if youre in a heterosexual relationship like who gets to be the woman and who gets to be the other woman?
She loves her coconut oil, shea butter, black soap, olive oil, natural hair, saggy clothes, long dresses, hair wraps, twist outs, lemon water, green tea, grapes, sunflowers, friends, family, and future.
What’s a label? She doesn’t have one
It is important to recognize that when we speak of housework we are not speaking of a job like other jobs, but we are speaking of the most pervasive manipulation, and the subtlest violence that capitalism has ever perpetrated against any section of the working class. True, under capitalism every worker is manipulated and exploited and his or her relation to capital is totally mystified. […] The difference with housework lies in the fact that not only has it been imposed on women, but it has been transformed into a natural attribute of our female physique and personality, an internal need, an aspiration, supposedly coming from the depth of our female character. Housework was transformed into a natural attribute, rather than being recognized as work, because it was destined to be unwaged. Capital had to convince us that it is a natural, unavoidable, and even fulfilling activity to make us accept working without a wage. In turn, the unwaged condition of housework has been the most powerful weapon in reinforcing the common assumption that housework is not work, thus preventing women from struggling against it, except in the privatized kitchen-bedroom quarrel that all society agrees to ridicule, thereby further reducing the protagonist of a struggle. We are seen as nagging bitches, not as workers in struggle. Yet, how natural it is to be a housewife is shown by the fact that it takes at least twenty years of socialization, day-to-day training, performed by an unwaged mother, to prepare a woman for this role, to convince her that children and husband are the best that she can expect from life. Even so, it hardly succeeds. No matter how well trained we are, few women do not feel cheated when the bride’s day is over and they find themselves in front of a dirty sink. Many of us still have the illusion that we marry for love. A lot of us recognize that we marry for money and security; but it is time to make it clear that while the love or money involved is very little, the work that awaits us is enormous. This is why older women always tell us, ‘Enjoy your freedom while you can, buy whatever you want now.’ But unfortunately it is almost impossible to enjoy any freedom if, from the earliest days of your life, you are trained to be docile, subservient, dependent and, most importantly, to sacrifice yourself and even to get pleasure from it. If you don’t like it, it is your problem, your failure, your guilt, and your abnormality.
putting “cis” in front of gays and lesbians or calling us “monosexuals” before you shit on us doesn’t disguise the fact that you’re taking a massive homophobic shit on us, you know? That shit still stinks.
Dear WGC readers, what do you make of the above statement? I find it suspect for the following reasons:
1) The accusation is coming from or supported by someone whose blog title is “S0ft-h0m0” which means that to this person, using the term *cisgender and using the term *monosexual is worse than using the term *homo. In fact, to them, cisgender and monosexual are homophobic slurs, while homo is not.
2) Based on my readings and personal experience, I believe it is widely agreed that cisgender is a term that simply means, a person’s birth doctor *guessed their sex identity correctly. Additionally and regardless of disputes by people not marginalized by transphobia and transmisogyny, there is very substantial proof that term cisgender has never been used to commit acts of violence against anyone. There is also proof, regardless of disputes by people not marginalized by transphobia and transmisogyny in addition to misogyny and sexism, that “cisgender” and “woman” are not the same thing as not all cisgender people are women and not all women are cisgender. Women are underprivileged, but some types of women are more underprivileged than others and some women have the power, even while facing marginalization themselves, to marginalize other women, and this is why it is necessary to have distinctions within the identity of womanhood, so we know what issues to address to minimize and eliminate marginalizations within womanhood and also liberate women from external marginalizations (although the external marginalizations, like the internal, are not monolith and affect different women, differently).
*guess is used because it is impossible to determine a child’s sex at birth just as it is impossible to determine a child’s sexual orientation. Maybe it will be possible in the future we will be able to as technology evolves, but not now (to my knowledge).
3) Based on my readings and personal experience, I believe monosexual is a term that simply means, a person is sexually attracted to only people of the *sex identity opposite to theirs. Monosexual is an umbrella term and not directly synonymous with homosexuality as not all monosexuals are gay or lesbian. Being monosexual does not mean a person is not marginalized in other ways especially since monosexuality is a shared identity. Gay and lesbians are marginalized based on sexual orientation alone on an external level, but when marginalizations do happen internally/within the LGBT community, it is at the hands of fellow gay men and lesbian women. Again. this is when we are dealing with sexual orientation alone. Race, gender identity, geographic location, able-bodiedness, immigration status etc can and does change ones experience within the LGBT community. In contrast, non-monosexuals are marginalized externally as well as within the sexual minority community by gay men and lesbian women. In addition, within the sexual minority community, non-monosexuals hold no institutional power, they do not control the media, npos, scholarship grants, resources etc and are erased within the sexual minority community (as well as the heterosexual community). This again, is based solely on sexual orientation. Just like stated above, monosexuality and cisgender does not negate the reality of marginalizations, it only serves to show how even within marginalized communities, there is still marginalization and that there is need for communities to amend their own role in oppression while fighting for their liberation.
*sex identity (Man, Woman, non-binary individuals etc, regardless of cis, trans or intersex identities so cis, trans and intersex men = men and cis, trans and intersex women = women. additionally trans intersex people exist) =/= gender expression (Masculine, Feminine, Adrogynous, Neutral, Butch, Femme, Androgyfemme etc) =/= gender roles (Women and Feminine men are surbodinate to maculine men, masculine men are the only people well equipped for high paying jobs, masculine and feminine women and feminine men should shave their body hair etc etc). On a side note: Yes, I know what radfem’s say about sexual orientation, and no, it is not based on reality x x x x x x x x x x [warning for cissexist language] x x x x [warning: this can be interpreted as offensive and can be cissexist although the writer ids as bi, the writer is cisgender. If this article offends, please let me know and i’ll take it off).
So what do you think WGC readers? Is OP’s statements suspect or entirely/partly valid? Why or why not? Do you have any comments for me based on my comments? Let’s have a conversation.
[This is for WGC readers only. I will not engage with anyone else].